Daria One Half
by BatLurker
Summary: Crossover with Ranma 1/2. Jake has a surprise in store for his daughters, an arranged marriage.
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1**  
_And everyone was Kung-Fu Fighting_

* * *

She was dreaming a very interesting dream: In her dream Quinn was the weird one that had to go to self-esteem classes and she was the favorite one.

Her dream, however, was just that. A dream. And as such it had to be rudely interrupted. Her father came to her room in a rush, excited as never before (if such a thing was possible, considering he got excited when he acquires new recipes for weird foods).

"DARIA!" He exclaimed while touching her shoulder. "Wakey wakey!"

The girl opened one eye halfway and yawned. "Dad... it's sunday, go 'way."

Jake Morgendorffer frowned at his daughter and shook her a little. "Wakey Wakey! This is a great day! The best one ever!"

Daria sat down and dedicated him a quizzing look. "What-" She yawned again. "What are you talking about?"

Jake got up like a rocket and smiled. "No time to tell! Come downstairs so I tell the good news to everyone at the same time!" And with that he left her room, running at top speed towards Quinn's.

Daria took her glasses and looked at her alarm clock. "I'm awake at 9 AM on a Sunday. What is he thinking?" She clumsily climbed out of her bed and slowly, very slowly put her clothes on.

She had crossed half the stairs when she heard her mother yelling at her father.

**"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"**

She blinked a couple of times and tried to listen without getting noticed. She thought that it shouldn't be too difficult.

"Ah!" Her father jumped. "Honey, it's for the good of the kids!"

She could imagine Helen's glare at her father but didn't dare to peek. Her mother replied, "The good of the kids?"

"Yes!"

"How is this for the good of the kids? **What were you thinking?**"

"Oh, well... there's this..." Answered her father and suddenly he started to whisper. Daria couldn't hear a thing.

"What's going on?" Came a tired voice behind her. She looked at Quinn for a second and continued walking downstairs.

"The parental units have probably gone nuts on us" Replied the auburn haired girl in a monotone.

"Dad seemed... more excited than usual" Commented Quinn with a small frown on her face.

"That's probably just his medication" Said Daria as they entered the kitchen. She blinked upon seeing Jake and Helen Morgendorffer looking at them with a serious look on their faces.

"Girls" Started their mother in a sing-song tone, "we have something very important to tell you."

Daria looked at her sister for a moment and said, "you're going to reveal that Quinn was adopted, right?"

"She is?" Asked Jake, with a confused expression. He turned to Helen, looking a little angry, "What's the meaning of this?"

Helen rolled her eyes. "No, Daria, Quinn wasn't adopted." Before the redhead could say anything she added, "and neither was Daria for that matter."

Jake nodded, although he didn't look totally convinced. "Right. Onto the news!" He suddenly looked excited again.

Quinn took a seat on her usual place. "Can we get this over with? I'm supposed to go to Sandi's later, Fashion Club business"

"The zombies realized their shallowness?" Asked Daria, looking hopeful.

Quinn rolled her eyes, "there you go again, Da-aaria. No wonder the boys all think you're so weird."

Daria looked annoyed, "So why should I care? Not everybody thinks the world revolves around boys, Quinn."

"Oh. Then maybe this won't interest you, kiddo." Said their father, looking a little gloom.

"What's this about anyway?" Asked Daria as she sat down.

"Well, your father just told me about it, but I think it's a good idea for your future!" exclaimed their mother.

"I got you a fiancé!" Said a cheerful Jake.

Daria paused and looked for pods. Then she suddenly stood up and yelled at the top of her lungs. "FIANCÉ?"

"Yes." Answered Jake, who didn't understand his daughter's outburst. "The son of a very good friend of mine. His name is Ranma Saotome."

Quinn blinked. "That's a weird name."

Daria agreed. "It sounds Japanese."

"Oh, it is!" Said Jake. "If one of you girls were to marry him..." his voice trailed off and he looked at his wife. He coughed in his hand and said, "if one of you marry him, your life will be very secured!"

"Secured?" Asked Daria, not sure what it meant. But she knew that there was something her parents weren't telling her. "Don't **we** have some say in who we marry?"

Quinn looked at Daria for a moment and decided that it was better to agree with her. "Daria's right, daddy! Think about what it will do to my popularity! No more dates! My life would be ruined!" She looked at her mother and yelled, "**RUINED!**"

Daria grumbled. "We haven't even met him."

"That's easily fixed." Said Helen, looking at her wristwatch.

Jake smiled. "Ranma and his father have been on a voyage of training for the last ten years."

"Voyage?"

"They've been all around the world. Recently they've crossed China."

Daria sighed. "Well, at least he had a better life than me then, I'd give anything to be able to leave this dump once in a while." She glared at her parents. "And I'm probably running away."

"Don't joke about that, Daria!"

Quinn leaned forward. "Is he cute at least?"

Daria raised an eyebrow. "What kind of guy is he anyway?"

Helen looked at Jake, waiting for his answer. He said with a straight face. "No idea."

"No idea" Repeated Daria in a monotone.

"I've never met him." Explained the nervous man.

Before anyone else could add anything to the discussion, they heard noises from the front door. And then, a voice yelling something in Japanese.

Jake stood up and ran to the door. "Saotome! My old friend!"

Helen rolled her eyes and followed. "I need to start giving him some kind of medication."

"I hope he's older, cute, _and_ rich!" Exclaimed Quinn, as she too followed the parents.

Daria sighed. "How depressing, my parents want to pick my boyfriend." She paused and thought about it. "At least I won't be a third wheel anymore if this goes as dad wants." She shook her head. "What am I thinking? This is insane."

She raised her head and saw how her whole family were running towards her, being followed by a giant panda who was holding someone over its shoulder. Said person turned around and yelled something in Japanese.

Quinn hid behind her mother. "Daddy, this is your old friend? A panda?"

Jake shook his head repeatedly. "NONONONONO!"

Helen yelled. "So what's this panda doing in our home!?"

Suddenly the panda waved and put the person he was holding on the floor, facing Jake.

The man lowered his head and said, "you wouldn't be..."

The petite person looked sheepish. "_Saotome Ranma, wa-_" Ranma quickly changed to English. "I mean, I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this."

Jake took the person by the shoulders. "AT LAST!" He exclaimed. "You've come!"

Quinn looked amazed. "Hey! He IS cute!"

Jake gave the petite Ranma a bear hug and sobbed. "It's so good of you to come! So-" The man suddenly stopped himself and pushed Ranma a little.

Ranma looked VERY annoyed.

Jake looked down. "You... you..."

Ranma had breasts. Actually, as big as Brittany Taylor's.

Daria smiled a Mona Lisa smile. "My oh my! A girl? I didn't know you two were so forward thinking. And here I was brooding, thinking I would have to wait for Jane to dump Tom before coming out of the closet."

Helen dedicated a very angry look at her eldest daughter.

Quinn proceeded to touch with her finger Ranma's chest. "Daddy, 'he' is a girl"

Jake's eyes rolled to the back of his skull as he fainted.

* * *

Everyone was sitting around Jake who was on his bed, crying intensively.

Helen sighed. "Your poor father, he was really looking forward for this. He's **so** disappointed."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "He's disappointed? Well, next time he has to be sure that he picks a boy."

Daria smiled. "You were the one that thought she was cute."

Quinn blushed. "I didn't say that I would marry her!" She eyed Ranma for a second. "I mean, look at her choice of clothes, even if I was gay I wouldn't date her!"

Ranma looked at her Chinese clothes, wondering what was so wrong with them. The red shirt and thai pants were very comfortable.

Daria frowned. "I really wish you'd stop being so shallow." She stood up inclined her head a little towards Ranma. "I'm off to eat some Pizza, want to join me?" She had her Mona Lisa smile planted on her face. "Maybe I will get another friend out of this. A second one, I mean."

Ranma blinked a couple of times and looked at Daria's face like hypnotized. She quietly closed her blue-gray eyes and nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**  
_Pizza Pie_

* * *

Daria was slightly amazed. While she was walking by the sidewalk, the Japanese girl had decided that walking was too boring.

So she was making pirouettes around the auburn haired girl and from time to time walking using her hands instead of feet. Daria thought for a moment that Ranma had an idiot savant thing to her, almost like Kevin.

She shook her head. No one was as much of an idiot as Kevin Thompson.

Well, maybe Beavis and Butt-Head, but those two were on a whole different scale than Kevin or Ranma. And Ranma wasn't exactly an idiot... she seemed... equally ignorant but full of something that she couldn't quite put her finger in.

"So..." The petite girl started to say, as she looked up towards Daria. "You lived here your whole life?"

The auburn haired girl shook her head. "Used to live in Texas, this is actually better."

Ranma looked around and nodded, quietly.

Daria sighed. "And you've been traveling around the world, right?"

"Yesu!" Said the shorter girl while jumping and standing up. She stretched and then frowned. "But I would've preferred to stay on one place."

"So the whole world is as idiotic as this No Where's Ville?" Asked Daria raising an eyebrow and smirking a little, just a little.

Ranma blinked but then nodded. "You wouldn't believe the things I've seen in China."

"Maybe I could, I watch Sick Sad World, after all." She stopped walking and indicated a building in front of them. "Pizza King, here we are."

Suddenly Ranma's stomach produced a noise that to Daria seemed like a Volcano's eruption. The shorter girl put her hand on her stomach and grinned. "Sorry, the smell is too good."

"A Pizza fan, I can relate to that." Said Daria as she opened the door.

Ranma walked inside and let the scent of Pizza surround her. She smiled and ran like the wind to the counter. "I will get the food!"

Daria stared at the smaller girl for a moment and then shook her head. She looked around and waved as she noticed Jane and Tom on a booth. She approached them.

"Jane Lane awake before noon, I should check later if there's snow in Hell" She said in her usual monotone.

"Yo!" Said Jane from her seat.

Daria looked at Tom with a glare on her face but quickly turned it into a neutral one. "Young Thomas"

Tom raised his hand at Daria. "_Nice_ to meet you too, Daria."

Jane laughed nervously, looking alternately at Daria and Tom. "We were just talking about what happened at the movies yesterday."

"Movies?" She asked, taking a seat next to Jane.

Tom looked uncomfortable at Jane but didn't dare to say anything. Jane continued, "Well, there was this obnoxious guy next to Tom. We were just there trying to watch the movie, but the guy wouldn't shut up. So Tom here takes a ten-dollar bill and tells him 'Hey, buddy, I'll pay for your popcorn if you promise to sit somewhere else after you get it.'" She snickered and took a slice of Pizza.

Daria looked at Tom with a bored expression. "Have you developed the vaccine for Polio yet?"

"Eh..." Tom quickly started eating his Pizza, hoping that it was good enough excuse for not talking.

Jane frowned. "Oh, come on, you have to admit, Young Thomas is one clever fella."

When Daria was about to make about a remark about 'Young Thomas', Ranma came to the booth with three giant pizzas. She had one in each hand and the third one balancing over her head. "You bought for everyone?" Asked Daria, a little confused.

Ranma looked at Tom and Jane for the first time. "Everyone?" She crouched a little and then stood up straight. The Pizza on her head went straight to the table, landing perfectly. "That one is for you, but if you want, I can help you eat it."

Daria looked at the two remaining pizzas with interest, completely forgetting about 'Young Thomas'. "And you are going to eat those on your own?"

Ranma sat next to Tom and put both Pizzas in front of her, one on top of the other. She eyed everyone and then nodded, "You can share yours."

Jane smiled. "A Pizza fan, I can relate."

"That's what I said" commented Daria and took a slice.

Jane looked at Daria and then at the petite Asian girl. "So, who's her?"

"I'm Ranma Saotome, I'm a martial artist" Said the girl, and took three slices and put them together like a sandwich, she started eating like there was no tomorrow.

"Martial Artist?" Asked Jane and half smiled. "Well, nice to meet you, I'm half that. I'm an artist."

"Oh, gross" muttered Tom, completely surprised by the speed the girl next to him was eating.

Daria looked at Jane and then at Tom. "My parents say that she's my new fiancé."

Jane stopped eating and looked at Daria, she blinked and then looked at the Japanese girl again. "Oh, you came out of the closet at last?"

Daria shrugged. "Got bored of waiting for you."

Ranma stopped eating and chocked. She took Tom's glass of Ultra Cola and drank to the last drop. She panted. "Eh, you're not... you know, right?"

"I know?" Asked Daria, not completely understanding the question.

"Eh, gay I mean."

Jane smirked at Daria. "Now, that's a tricky question, isn't it?"

Daria glared at Jane. "I will get you sooner or later Lane, and you will not like it."

"I know you will."

The girl with the round glasses turned to Ranma. "No, I'm most definitely not a lesbian."

Jane mumbled something.

Tom smirked. "Did you just say that she's asexual?"

"I will get you both, I swear."

Ranma looked at the three other teens for a moment, and then went back to devouring her Pizzas.

Jane stared at the small girl for a while, waiting for her to choke again. When no such thing happened she turned to Daria. "Is she a professional hot-dog eater or what?"

"I think she just likes food."

That's when Kevin and Brittany entered the Pizza Place, they seemed to be arguing. "Are you saying I'm dumb?" they heard Brittany ask, with a murderous tone so very unlike her usual squeal.

Kevin rolled his eyes. "I'm not saying that." He paused, thinking what he had said exactly. "Maybe it's because you're a girl?"

Ranma's head perked up upon hearing that. She looked at the pair with mild interest. "Are you saying that girls are dumber than boys?"

Kevin looked at the Japanese girl for a second and then nodded vigorously. "Hey, Daria, you're, like, a brain and stuff. Can you explain it to Brittany?"

The blonde looked at Daria, awaiting her answer. She didn't look very happy.

The auburn haired girl put her pizza down and arched an eyebrow at Kevin. "Lets see, you're fighting about who's smarter, right?"

They both nodded a little, as if not sure if that's what was going on.

"Now, that's the battle of the Titans." She deadpanned and then shook her head in irritation. "Kevin, you're asking a girl, who you admit is a brain and thus smarter than you, to prove that men are smarter than women."

Kevin looked up and thought about every word Daria had just said. "Uhh."

"Men are smarter!" suddenly Ranma exclaimed, taking advantage over the fact that she had just finished her two pizzas.

"Excuse me?" Daria narrowed her eyes.

"Well, men are stronger." Ranma said, looking up, with a similar thoughtful expression as Kevin's. She seemed to believe that strength equals smarts.

Jane turned to Tom. "And what does Young Thomas believe about the subject at hand?"

Tom panicked. "Eh, men and women are equal?" He offered, clearly not entirely confident in his answer.

Brittany twirled her hair, looking vacant. "So, Daria, can you tell Kevvie here that I'm just as smart as he is, maybe smarter?"

"I'd say that you two are equally gifted, but that's just me." Said Daria in a monotone.

"Sure we are, babe" Said Kevin to Brittany with a smile that clearly said that he didn't believe that.

Brittany brightened and took Kevin by the arm. "Oh, Kevvie, I knew you'd see the light!" They left to get their own pizza.

"They sure are clueless" Muttered Tom with half a smile on his face.

Daria looked at Ranma. "What I'm wondering is, why you would agree with Kevin."

Ranma blinked. "Well, men have to stick together, right?" She asked, and looked for Tom's approval. The boy simply stared at her with a confused expression.

Jane inclined her head to Daria's. "So, I think she actually believes she's your fiancé, right?"

Daria groaned. "I'm starting to think that you're right." She looked at the shorter girl and said louder. "What makes you say that?"

Ranma looked down, as if just then noticing her large breasts. "Oh." She frowned. "Eh, forgot I was a girl."

"You forgot you are a girl." Repeated Daria in a monotone.

"At the moment" Added Ranma and she stood up. "I will get some hot water, I guess that if I'm staying at your place, I may as well do this." And with that, she ran back to the counter.

Jane followed her with her eyes. "So... what's her story?"

"I told you, the parental units decided that me or Quinn have to marry her. But that was when they thought that she was a guy." She looked back and frowned. "Guess **she** thinks she's a guy."

"Well, at least you get to date!" Offered Jane in a cheerful tone.

Daria glared at the other girl but couldn't find words to reply. She made a mental note to get back at Jane in the future.

Tom frowned. "A little archaic of your family, right? Arranged marriages are not-" Tom paused and looked confused at the Japanese girl who had just came back to the table with a big glass of water.

"Here, I will show you only once. Because I'm **not** a freak." She said, staring directly at Daria.

The auburn haired girl stiffened, almost feeling that something weird was about to happen. She had the same feeling when the Holidays asked for her help. "Ok." She said very quietly.

The petite girl nodded and took the glass. She splashed herself with the hot water and then...

She wasn't a _She_ anymore.

The tall Japanese boy looked sheepish. "I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this."

Daria silently cursed. She was **SURE** that her parents would force her to marry him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**  
_Water from the Moon_

* * *

Jane whistled. "Wow, that's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen."

Tom widened his eyes and then frowned at his girlfriend. "One of?" He pointed at the Japanese boy next to him. "She, I mean, HE, changed sexes just now!" He frowned at the other boy and said, "this is way beyond weird."

Jane gave him an innocent smile. "You should check the Good Time Chinese Restaurant, I think that one was weirder."

Daria gave her friend a look but didn't say anything about the Holidays. She sighed and looked at the Japanese boy for a moment. "You really are the same person?"

The boy nodded. "It's all my pop's fault."

Daria closed her eyes. "Ok, either I've gone insane or the world really doesn't work the way I thought it did."

Jane quirked her brow. "Hey, at least you get a boyfriend out of this mess."

Ranma instantly found the ceiling to be the most interesting thing ever. "Uhm."

Tom stood up. "I think I'm going crazy. I will probably go hide in my room for the next week or so." He walked to the door and waited for a moment to see if Jane was following him.

Jane looked at her boyfriend for a moment and shook her head. "Go ahead, I think I will stick around for a while, something this weird can't possibly be boring."

The boy nodded. "Ok, see you around." And he left Pizza King almost as if escaping from a serial killer.

"Not only is Young Thomas one clever fellow" Said Daria in a mock British accent, "but he's also the bravest man on Earth."

Jane tried to glare, but quickly snorted with a small smile.

Daria sighed at Ranma. "So, are you a boy or a girl?"

"I'm a **MAN**!" Ranma almost yelled, hitting his chest in a very Tarzan-esque way. He sighed "I hate this stupid curse."

The auburn haired girl put her head on the table. "Why does this stuff happen to me?" She looked up. "Am I being punished for not believing?"

"You're asking God if he's punishing you for not believing in him." Said Jane with a thoughtful expression on her face. "That doesn't sound right."

"No, it doesn't." Admitted Daria. "But how did you end up like this?" She asked Ranma, looking at his eyes.

The boy looked at her and smiled nervously. "Well... it all started in China. As you know, me and pop travel around the world learning every Martial Art we can and also search for famous and dangerous training grounds to improve our skills." He sighed. "A few weeks ago my stupid father led us to a place called... Jusenkyo. There are several pools and if you fall in one of those pools..." He sighed. "It's a cursed training ground."

"Cursed." Said Jane, "like, magic."

"Right. So, when we got there, my father just goes and doesn't mind the guide and starts fighting me." Daria thought that he wasn't telling them the full story, and made a mental note to investigate later about that. "I kick his ass and send him to one of the pools. Imagine my surprise when he came back as a giant panda."

Jane arched an eyebrow. "Giant Panda?"

Daria nodded. "So, that was your dad?"

"Right. Stupid old man." The boy grumbled and then cursed in Japanese. "Anyway, he catches me unprepared and kicks me to another pool."

"Let me guess, that second pool changes peoples sexes."

The boy sighed. "Not exactly, but... yes, that's the case with me. The spring I fell in is called 'Spring of Drowned Girl', my pop fell on the 'Spring of Drowned Panda'." He pointed at the glass that he had used to spash himself. "Cold water activates the curse, Hot water cancels it."

Jane smiled at Daria. "I got to see his old man turn into a panda, that ought to be funny or at least inspiring."

Daria frowned. "You don't realize that my life may be over?"

Jane frowned. "You're starting to sound like Quinn." She eyed her friend suspiciously. "Should I check for pods?"

Ranma blinked. "Why would your life be over?" He looked worried. "Are you ill?"

Daria glared at the taller girl and then at the Japanese boy. "My parents will force us to marry, you dopes."

Jane quirked an eyebrow at her friend, took a swallow of her Ultra Cola and sighed. "Maybe you could have him fake being a girl, he did a pretty good job bofore, right?"

Daria looked at Ranma, as if considering Jane's idea.

The boy shook his head. "Uh, uh. **No way**. I'm a man, I shouldn't have to be a girl when I'm not one!"

Daria nodded. "Besides, her, I mean, his, father is back at home. He's probably telling about this to my dad right now."

Ranma's eyebrows furrowed. "No offence to you or your sister, but I don't have time for marriage right now, I need to go back to China and get a cure."

"And how are you going to do that?" Asked Jane, somewhat confused.

Ranma opened and closed his mouth several times. Considering his expression, Daria and Jane almost thought he was about to squeak 'I'm the QB' or something similar. Thankfully, he didn't.

Daria sighed and looked at the remaining of her Pizza. "I lost my appetite."

Ranma immediately took the food and ate it. "Thmim tamste rilmmsly mood!"

Jane smiled. "Daria, you hit jackpot. The boy has a black hole in his stomach."

Daria glared at no one in particular and got up. "Come on, Ranma, we're going home. Maybe I can reason with mom and make her see that this is just insane."

Ranma swallowed and nodded. "You mean me marrying you or your sister?" He frowned. "Pop did say it was a matter of _Giri_, that's honor by the way. I don't really like it, but-" he interrupted himself and looked nervously at Daria. "Not that I think you're ugly or anything, but I want a cure before I do anything."

Daria didn't bother to reply and started walking to the door. "Coming Jane? The show could be amusing."

The artist shook her head. "I'll pass, Tom will probably need someone to help him cope, or something like that."

"Suit yourself."

* * *

"So, here we go again!" Said a cheerful Jake as he pointed at the strange man next to him. He was Japanese, was obviously balding (and hiding it with an old piece of cloth) and was a little chubby but otherwise pretty muscular man. He was wearing a pair of funny looking round glasses. "This is Genma Saotome, my old friend."

The Japanese man smiled and waved at the Morgendorffers. "And this is my son, Ranma" He said, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder.

Quinn blinked. "Wasn't Ranma a girl?"

Ranma coughed on his hand. "Eh, that was me. It's... complicated."

Genma looked at his son and smiled. "Well, let's uncomplicate it then!" He motioned to Jake and the other man quickly went to get a glass of cold water. He splashed Ranma.

The change was almost instantaneous. The tall muscular boy vanished and in his place a petite girl appeared.

"My own son... so humiliating. So humiliating." Sobbed the balding man.

The girl glared at both older men. "There was no need to do that!" She jumped over their heads, opened the water line. With great skill he made it splash only Genma, leaving everyone else dry.

The big Panda growled at the boy. He took a sign out of nowhere that said something in Japanese. The boy retorted and they seemed to discuss something.

Quinn looked at Daria. "Did he just turn into a Panda?"

Daria was eating pop-corn. She silently nodded. "Jane should've come."

Helen sighed. For a second she looked like she was having second thoughts about the whole thing. "Well, Mr. Saotome did say that the curse is reversible. Is that right, Ranma?"

The boy turned girl nodded and tapped the hot water line. After it heated enough she splashed herself, turning into a man. He grinned at his father and splashed him again.

Genma growled. His clothes were a mess and his glasses were hanging from his left ear. "Now boy, that's not a toy! Show some respect to your father!"

"Respect, yea, right." The boy rolled his eyes and accepted a towel from Jake, he dried himself as best as he could and took a seat next to his father.

Daria sighed. "So this whole thing is real." She turned to her father. "Why are we being forced to marry him, again?"

Jake smiled. "I didn't tell you, but its-"

Genma interrupted. "Family Honor!"

Daria raised an eyebrow. "Very Traditional Japanese for someone so... weird. But we're not Japanese, why would we care about family honor?"

Quinn looked at her sister and silently cheered her on.

Jake sighed. "It's..." He looked at Helen and they nodded to each other. "It's your grandfather, Mad Dog, lousy evil son of a-"

"Jake!"

The man looked around, as if just noticing that he wasn't alone. "Ah, where was I? Right, my father."

"And my master" Added Genma.

"They were, friends, or something. But being a pair of evildoers, they like to screw people up." He sighed and glared to the floor. "Well, Mad Dog had a fortune but you girls won't receive a penny of it unless one of you marry Ranma."

Daria raised an eyebrow. "So you're not forcing your daughters to marry against their will because you like money."

"Well, I admit that being family with Saotome would be jiggy." He looked at Quinn. "Did I say that right?"

Daria closed her eyes and sighed. She opened them again and continued. "You're whoring us?"

"Daria!" Helen snapped. "That's a horrible thing to say! Besides that money would let you do whatever you want with life later."

Daria glared at her mother. "How much are we talking about?"

"Five million. Whoever marries Ranma would get Three, the rest is divided among the family."

Daria noticed a flash of greediness in Genma's eyes. But nodded to herself upon noticing that Ranma seemed bored with it all. She wasn't sure if he didn't care about money or simply wasn't smart enough to know how much that was.

Jake smiled. "Now that that's settled..." He turned to Ranma. "Who're you going to choose?"

Ranma sighed to himself. Looked at both girls and quickly voiced his answer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4  
**_I need to wake up_

_

* * *

  
_Daria opened her eyes and glared at the ceiling. She heard noises from downstairs and then people yelling loudly in japanese. "Oh, what a joy I didn't wake up dead."

She sat on her bed and looked at her alarm clock. "Six AM?" She glared at her window. "What's wrong with these people?"

She sighed. _Leave it to me to be nice to the wrong person at the wrong time._. She looked up and mocked herself, "'Maybe I will get another friend out of this.' I said, 'A second one, I mean.' I said, god really must be dead."

She yawned, looked at her alarm clock one more time and then at her pillow. "Can't sleep now, I will have to resume my yawning later and sleep in class."

She walked to her window to see what was going on outside. She frowned as she noticed Ranma and Genma fighting and yelling what she thought were insults at each other. She couldn't really tell, she didn't know Japanese.

It didn't look at all like a sparring session.

They seemed to be trying to kill each other.

"Oh great." She said and went to her closet for her clothes. "My new forced boyfriend may already be a bloody pulp." She paused, beat. She took a quick glance at her window. "Maybe I could get him to beat up Tom."

She shook her head. "Nah, I don't think he'd be able to make it look like an accident."

She got dressed and left her room. "And what will Jane say?" She asked herself. "Hey, _amiga_! You don't like boys all that much anyway, at least he turns into a girl!" She said imitating her friend's voice and frowned.

"Nah, she wouldn't say that," she reasoned and then said in a deadpan, "she called me 'amiga' like, once"

"Go-**OHD**, Daria, are you talking to yourself?" She heard her sister's voice coming from her bedroom. She turned around and saw a very tired looking Quinn. She wasn't a morning person, but her look at that moment was ridiculous. For a moment Daria thought that her sister looked like a zombie.

"Is something wrong, Quinn?" She tried to smirk, but failed and yawned.

Her sister sighed. "Your stupid boyfriend and her -oh, sorry, I meant _his_- stupid dad woke me up!" She put her hands on her hips. "I need my beauty sleep Da-**AAA**-ria! Popular people are not so lucky like you outcasts that get to sleep four hours a day!"

The girl with the round glasses nodded. "I will make sure Bruce Lee takes the message, anything else, sister dearest?"

"Bruce Lee?" Quinn rolled her eyes and threw her arms to the air. "You're impossible! I'm going back to sleep! Don't wake me up!"

"I wouldn't dream of doing so. You may, since you're going to sleep and all that." Daria smiled when her sister closed the door on her face.

She started walking down the stairs and noticed that her father was watching Ranma and Genma from the kitchen. "Getting annoyed by our guests?" She asked, with no small hint of hope.

Jake turned and smiled. "Hey there, Kiddo!" He pointed with his thumb at the two martial artists. "I forgot how fun it is to watch Saotome fight. It's like watching Bruce Lee live."

Daria's face fell a little and she sat next to him. "Why are they up so early anyway? Ranma is going to school, right?"

"School?" Jake asked, a little confused. He returned his attention to the backyard. "Oh, I guess he will be. Should get him enrolled. You can help him, right, Kiddo?"

"Pimps don't have the right to call me by that name." She said in a monotone. "We're sorry to inform you that your license has been revoked."

"License?" He asked. It was obvious that he hadn't heard her.

She sighed. "Doesn't matter." She took the arts section of the _Sun-Herald_ and dedicated herself to read anything of interest.

About twenty minutes later her mother entered the kitchen and started making coffee, for that Daria was grateful. "Why are they up so early?" Helen asked, and then her eyes widened at the sight of the older man axe kicking his son. "Isn't Mr. Saotome hitting Ranma a little too hard?"

Daria raised her head to see. For some reason Genma was now a panda and had hit Ranma on the face midair and then kicked him on the stomach. When Ranma recovered he kicked his father on the shin at least ten times and then punched him on the face. "I think he can handle it." She said, a little surprised that they could still go at it. She was pretty sure that professional fighters didn't have that kind of endurance.

Jake had a dreamy expression on his face. "Ah, the memories are coming back to me! The intense training! The never ending journey to perfection!"

Daria arched an eyebrow at her father. "You used to do martial arts?" Her disbelief was palpable.

Jake suddenly looked a little sheepish. "Well, nothing like that" He said, motioning at the two fighters. "But I did train under... a lousy evil, crappy, creepy evil, evil, evil goblin of a man that I hope rots in **HELL**!" He sighed and then smiled. "Good times."

Daria and Helen looked at each other with a worried expression. Daria asked. "Was this before or after your father sent you to military school?"

"Mmm, before, during and after." He answered, lost in thought. He then glared at no one in particular. "Mad Dog didn't want a weak son, oohhh, no, he didn't! Every time I came home for vacation he'd sent me to that, that..." he didn't seem to want to say the name of the person he was talking about. "He took me from one hell and sent me to another, and then, back at the first one." He looked down and yelled. "**I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FLAMES DOWN THERE!**"

Helen glared at Daria and whispered, "you didn't have to set him off."

Daria took a slip from her coffee. "And he didn't have to force me to marry against my will."

Helen sighed. "At least give it a chance? I mean, you're not getting married yet anyway, not until you're eighteen."

Daria frowned, but nodded. "Right."

"So, will you give Ranma a chance to prove himself? Maybe, just maybe, you will like him."

The backdoor opened and the Saotomes went back inside, Ranma smiled at the sight of breakfast. "Food!"

Daria said in a low voice, "I will like him. Yes. And I will have an affair with Kevin Thompson and Upchuck," she glared at her parents, "at the same time."

Genma waved at Jake and then materialized a wooden sign that read, _'Got any hot water?'_

Jake smiled. "Sure! Here you go!" He said handing him a flask. The Panda accepted it and splashed hot water onto himself, turning human.

Ranma snickered. "Stupid old man, can't get one minute without turning into the panda that he is." He sat down next to Daria and looked at his cup of coffee, he examined it and then started drinking from it.

Genma frowned and casually took a glass and filled it with water.

Daria silently stood up, not wanting to get wet.

Genma threw the water at his son and splashed him. Ranma turned around and threw a kick in his direction which Genma caught with both hands. Ranma smiled and then kicked his -or her, if you considered his current form- father with the other foot.

"Stop!" Helen ordered, with a rigid tone. He glared at both Saotomes. "You're guests here, I will appreciate it if you fight in the house. Take your 'training' outside."

Ranma looked at Genma and shook his head. "Nah, we're ok"

Genma nodded and let go of Ranma's foot. "Just remember to respect your elders, kid."

"Yeah, yeah." Ranma took the flask and turned into a boy again.

Daria sat down again and arched an eyebrow at Ranma. "You change a lot?"

Ranma shrugged. "Water follows me" He glared at his father. "But then again, I have people making water follow me."

The girl sighed, "well, are you up for school? You have to register, and Li will probably make you get a 'psych' evaluation."

Ranma had a dumb look on his face, "school?"

Genma gave Daria a look but after a second of thinking, nodded. "Well, we're going to be staying a while."

"A while?" Asked Jake. "Nah, you can stay as long as you want!"

"Jake!" Helen glared at her husband.

"He's going to the same school as me?" Asked Quinn, who had just walked into the kitchen and looked like she had just waked up. "Mo-OOM! Do you know what this will do to my popularity?"

"Nothing whatsoever?" Offered Daria.

"GAH! I'm not in the mood for breakfast! You're ruining my life!" With that, she went back to her room and a couple of minutes later she stormed off, presumably to school.

Daria looked at Ranma, "well, she sure is a well adjusted young lady." She got up, "get your stuff and meet me outside, I will show you the way to school."

Ranma didn't seem to be too thrilled with the idea of school, but nodded. He turned to glare at his father. "Do I even have some notebooks or stuff?"

Genma went to the guest bedroom and quickly returned to the kitchen, he threw a small backpack at Ranma's direction. "Here, you go you ungrateful brat, now scram!"

Daria rolled her eyes and left them to quarrel. She waited some minutes and nodded at Ranma as he got outside, he was now wearing a Chinese silk shirt, almost identical to the one he had been wearing the day before, the only difference was the color. The other one was red, this one was light-blue.

"We're going to get Jane before going to school, if that's ok with you."

"Jane?"

"The girl from yesterday?"

Ranma looked up, his expression told Daria that he was actually trying to remember Jane's face. "Oh," he finally said, "right. Your friend. The weirdo's girlfriend?"

Daria smirked, "now, that's an adjective that I'd like to use on Tom the next time I see him."

Ranma shrugged. "If the dude can't handle magic, he's not very sane."

"Probably not true, but in a strange kind of logic I see how it could work." She pointed to a house and walked to its front door. "Wait here."

Ranma nodded and looked with mild interest in her direction.

She knocked the door and waited, after about half a minute Jane opened the door. She had her hair made a mess and was chewing a piece of week-old bread. "Isn't it early?" she asked, surprised to see Daria. She looked behind her friend and noticed Ranma, "hey! you're walking with your boyfriend to school? Now, that's cute!"

Daria glared. "Funny, Lane. Are you going to come?"

Jane looked at Ranma one more time and shook her head, snickering. "I will finish breakfast and stuff. You walk lover-boy-slash-girl to school."

Daria stiffened and nodded. "I will probably have him beat up Tom later."

Jane yawned, scratched her chin and nodded. "You do that, oh, Godmother! What will happen to the world if Evil Daria awakes?"

"The whole human race would be obliterated." Retorted Daria and shook her head. "See you later." She turned around and motioned with her head at Ranma to follow her.

The boy had his arms behind his neck. "Is everything all right?"

"My parents are whoring me so they can be rich, my best friend finds the situation amusing." She looked at him and said, "and you, my supposed loved one, turn into a girl. Life couldn't be better."

Ranma frowned, and went on defensive mode, "hey! I'm not like this because I like it!"

The auburn haired girl was about to reply something nasty, but decided against it. "Right" she finally said, "sorry about that."

"'s ok" He said, somewhat annoyed. "So, what sports can I do at school?"

"You're into sports?"

He nodded, a little excited. "Anything that can be an excuse for training is good for me." He thought about it for a moment and added. "Well, I use anything as an excuse for training, so it shouldn't be too difficult to find a sport for me."

"We have a tennis club, I think Jodie is the president or something."

"Jodie?"

"An overachiever. Almost enslaved by her parent's evil schemes." She then said to herself, "She will feel good when she finally understands that her parents aren't the craziest people in Lawndale."

"Ummm, Tennis is good, but I thought about something more..."

"Manly?"

"I guess?"

Daria looked at Ranma and imagined him on a Lions uniform. "We have Football, but it's full of goofs."

"I've lived my whole life with my pop, I think I can handle one or two more goofs." He smiled.

"You will be the one losing brain power, not me."

She stopped walking and pointed ahead. Ranma could see Lawndale High School. "Welcome to hell, no refunds allowed." She said in a monotone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Part 5**  
_Japanese Idiot_  


* * *

Mrs. Manson looked at Ranma and nodded to herself. "As you can see, our Lawndale High students take great pride in their school. That's why you'll be taking a small psychological exam to spot any little clouds on the horizon as you sail the student seas of Lawndale High." It was obvious that she had practiced the speech over and over and didn't bother to change it for each new student.

Ranma had a lost look planted on his face. "I didn't understand a thing ya just said."

Mrs. Manson narrowed her eyes and started writing something in her notebook. She stopped and then raised a picture, "Now, Ramon, what do you see here?"

Ranma looked annoyed, "I'm Ranma"

"Right, that's what I said." She went back writing something and gave the boy a mean look. "What do you see here?"

Ranma eyed the picture, it had two black figures staring one another, one was obviously a girl and the other a boy. "It's a picture of two people about to duel!"

"Duel?" Asked the woman, a little worried. "Like, with guns?"

Ranma blinked and looked at Manson like she was the stupidest person in the whole planet. "No, like a martial arts duel! Duh!"

The woman went back writing rapidly on her notebook. "That's... ok, I guess. Can you make up a little story about what's it is they're discussing?"

"Why would I?"

"Because I'm asking you, and it's part of your psychological test." She answered, glaring daggers at the pigtailed boy.

"Oh, good reason, I guess."

"So, make a story up."

Ranma looked at the picture one more time and started talking, "well, the boy over there, he's angry at the girl"

"Why?"

"Because she ate all the food that he thinks is his, but if he's just too slow and stupid and can't take care of his own food, then he shouldn't be angry about it!"

"Oh, right?" The woman stopped writing and looked at him with a quizzing expression.

"Yea! But the girl there, she kicks his ass, over and over again, so the boy is angry at him."

"Her." She corrected.

"No, I mean him."

"The boy is angry at himself?"

"No, at the girl!"

"But you said him."

Ranma frowned at Manson. "So? The girl is a boy!"

Manson hung her head and looked a the boy. "What?"

"Right, and now the other boy, the one that doesn't turn into a girl, wants to take a shot at beating the other one because he's weaker with his girl-type body, but the girl, who is really a boy, is too strong even when in a weak girl's body! So the other boy's plane is mute!"

"I think..." said Manson, forcing herself to not cry at the boy's craziness, "that you meant that his plan is moot."

"Did I?

"There are no mute planes in your fantasy world, right?"

"Planes? Why would..." he frowned, "fantasy world? Lady, you're crazy."

* * *

  
Ranma glared at the ceiling. "And so, I'm now in a stupid class for self esteem."

Jane chuckled. "Now, why does that sound familiar, eh, Daria?"

The auburn haired girl rolled her eyes. "I can give you notes for you to take the exam so you get out early."

"Exam?" He asked, warily.

Jane thought for a moment and then said, "I wonder..."

"Now I'm worried" muttered Daria.

Jane made a rude gesture towards her friend and continued talking, "as I said, I wonder if they will take Ranma with the girls to talk about body image or with the boys and their nocturnal emissions."

Ranma coughed and then looked away.

Daria managed to smile for a second. "Don't worry, you won't get to that if you study."

The pigtailed boy dropped his head on the table. "I hate studying, why can't I fight with someone and be over with it?"

"Well..." Jane started to say with an evil expression on her face, "you could beat up O'Neil."

Daria shook her head, "knowing O'Neil, he will think it's a cry for help. But if you tell him the story you told Manson he will probably agree that you don't have low self esteem..."

"Well, I don't have low self esteem! I'm the esteemiest!" He frowned, wondering if that was a word.

"...He will know you're just ****t insane."

"Right" Ranma raised his head from the table. "Hey! What do ya mean, 'know'?"

Daria didn't have time to answer his question as Mr. DeMartino entered the classroom. The man looked at his students for a moment and then stopped at Ranma. "I see you're the new student I heard about, Japanese, right?"

"Hai." Said the boy in Japanese and nodded.

"Right," The man said loudly and his right eye popped a little, "**this** is Ranma Saotome and he will be joining us starting now." He smiled at the boy. "I hope that you're not like the other students that only care about girls and sports and think school is a waste of time." He glared at the Japanese boy. "You're not like **that**, are you, Ranma?"

"Sure I am!" said the boy cheerfully. He then paused deep in thought. "Oh, well, I don't have to worry that much about girls, me being engaged with Daria and all that."

Everyone looked at Daria and then at the pigtailed boy. "Daria!" Said Brittany, and smiled from ear to ear. "I didn't know you had it in you!"

Kevin looked at Ranma and said, "dude, you like the _Brain_?"

Ranma shrugged, not sure what to say as he didn't understand what the other boy was talking about.

DeMartino closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. He then glanced at Daria, "Miss Morgendorffer, while I hope that Mr. Saotome's last statement was merely a joke..." He looked at his class for a second, everyone was talking among themselves, "I give you my deep condolences, and expect you to come **back** to your good senses before doing something you will regret for the rest of your life." He then said in a very low voice, "we don't need another Barch"

Daria tried hard to lower her head so no one would see her red face. "Thanks, I think" she mumbled. She heard Jane's chuckle and lowered her face even more.

DeMartino nodded and looked back at Ranma. "**NOW**, Ranma, before you joined us, we were talking about World War 2. As you are Japanese, I thought you may provide an interesting point of view of the repercussions of that particular war to your country."

Ranma was busy talking with Kevin about something, he raised his head when he realized that the teacher was talking directly at him. "What? Oh, WW2, Japan won that one, right?"

DeMartino sat down and started to cry silently.

* * *

  
Mack glanced at Ranma, "so, Kevin here tells me you want to join the team? Did you play football in your last school?"

Ranma blinked. "Sure. Football is the sport with the round ball that in Europe is called Soccer, right? I'm pretty good at it!"

Mack put his hands over his face and sighed. "Great, another idiot" he muttered and then said in louder, "no, that's the other way around, ours is... eh, American Football?"

"Uh?"

Mack looked at Kevin, "can you teach him the rules so we can see if he can join the team? He looks the idiot savant type."

"All Right! Sure thing, Mack Daddy!"

"I told you not to call me that!" yelled the black boy as he stormed off.

Kevin grinned at Ranma. "He loves it when I call him that, ah, my bro. Hehe."

The Japanese boy raised an eyebrow at the football player, but decided to not voice his concerns.

Kevin put his hand around Ranma's neck, "so, you and Daria are an item, huh?"

"By our parents' choice."

"Uh? You mean, their parents gave her to you? Man, that's so cool" he stopped and thought about it for a moment, "but, why Daria?"

"Her sister is too perky, and she doesn't seem to like me so much."

"Oh, so Daria likes you. How is she when you two are alone?" The shorter boy had a very pervert grin on his face.

"Excuse me?"

"You know, does she like the mushy stuff? I bet she does, brainy birds and all that. She's a chick after all."

"A chick?" Ranma wondered why would Kevin call Daria a chicken, she sure never mentioned having a Jusenkyo curse before.

"Yah, you know." The boy smiled. "So, have you turned her into a woman yet?"

Ranma's eyes widened. "You mean, she's not really a woman?" His face turned into a shade of green.

"Uh?"

"Sorry, gotta go!" And Ranma left Kevin alone. He was desperately looking for Daria so she could explain.

Kevin scratched the back of his head. "Hey, I never got to teach him the rules, oh, well..." he started walking in another direction. "He'll probably figure it out on his own, he's cool."

* * *

  
Ranma couldn't find Daria anywhere, but he did manage to see Quinn with her friends. He ran towards them and looked at Quinn. "Uh, do you know where your sister is? I'm looking for her."

The Fashion Club inspected the boy carefully. He did seem to be athletic but his choice of clothes was hardly ideal. Sandi sneered at Quinn, "sister? You never told us you have a sister."

The red-headed girl glared at Ranma and then sighed. "He probably is talking about my weird second cousin or whatever. And no, I haven't seen her around, now, shoo!"

Ranma arched an eyebrow, "dorky girls" he muttered and left them alone.

"Dorky?" Stacy was having trouble breathing, "did he call us dorky? I'm not dorky, why would I be? I... I..."

Sandi and Quinn tried to calm down the taller girl. Tiffany simply looked at them and wondered what was going on and if it would somehow make her look fat.

* * *

  
Ranma finally found Daria and Jane on the roof. He sighed in relief and approached them.

Jane smirked, "isn't that the love of your life?"

Daria glared. "Quit it, Lane."

Ranma was panting a little but recovered quickly; he narrowed his eyes and looked at Daria, as if trying to see if there was something weird with her. "Um."

Daria waved her hand right in front of his face. "You in there?"

"Are you a girl?" He suddenly asked.

"**What?**"

He started pacing. "Well, there was this guy that said that you weren't and..."

"And you thought I was like you?"

"Eh, yes?"

"No, I doubt there's another like you in this country, and if there is, I really doubt we're going to see him or her around here." She sighed. "Anyway, why would you tell the whole school about the engagement thing?"

"I wasn't supposed to?"

Jane snickered. "Don't look at me, I find the whole situation funny as hell."

Daria showed her a finger, "you get to be bridesmaid, and I got the perfect dress for you."

Jane raised her hands and recoiled, as if protecting herself from a vicious blow. "Hey! Back off!" She laughed. "Well, a small price to pay, I'd say, I get the benefits of having a rich friend without having to marry anyone."

Daria sat down and looked at the sky. "Right. But you already have Young Thomas, he's rich."

"Hey, I have no marriage plans," she looked at the other two teens and smirked, "yet"

Away, in the Sloane Manor, Tom Sloane shuddered with horror.


	6. Chapter 6

**Part 6**  
_Know your Enemy_

* * *

A Japanese boy with a heavy backpack, a bandanna around his head and a pair of goggles covering his eyes smiled as he saw the giant strawberry. He looked at his map and nodded to himself and took off the goggles.

"Saotome Ranma, prepare to meet me!" He said to himself as he took a step away from the Strawberry and started walking away from Lawndale. "You can hide from our man-to-man battle no longer!" He yelled loud enough for anyone to hear him and started running away from Lawndale.

After traveling at least six hours, he asked a nearby police officer, "Excuse me, where is Lawndale High School?"

The officer gave him a weird look, "It's... in Lawndale" He pointed to the direction from where the boy came, "a hundred miles North of here."

The boy looked at the direction where the man had pointed and nodded to himself. And then proceeded to walk in a totally different direction.

The officer blinked several times and shook his head, "tourists" he muttered.

It took the boy a whole week to get around finding again the Giant Strawberry and he thanked God when he didn't turn around and walk to someplace else. He wandered in town for a couple of hours before finding himself in front of a big building that read 'Lawndale High School'.

The Japanese boy frowned and turned to look at all the teenagers that were leaving the building.

Mack had his arm around Jodie's shoulder, he seemed to be amused by something. "And then, Kevin goes around and actually teaches the guy what he's supposed to do. He didn't seem too interested in it until Kevin compared it with a scene from a Jackie Chan movie. The guy is like Kevin, only that he's into Martial Arts instead of football." He smiled. "It's like the three stooges, only with two."

"You're Moe" Jodie smirked and then frowned, "I still can't believe that rumors about him and Daria."

"Oh, they're not rumors, but I think they're exaggerated, I'm sure."

The Japanese boy narrowed his eyes and suddenly threw his arm at the black boy's direction. He caught the neck of Mack's shirt and then raised him above the ground. "You." He snarled.

Mack was trying hard to get away, but the other boy seemed to be as strong as an ox.

"Where's Lawndale High School?"

Mack stopped struggling and frowned at the other boy, "say what?"

Jodie kicked the boy in the shin, doing nothing whatsoever. "You're IN Lawndale High, you dope, now leave him alone!"

The Japanese boy let go of Mack and nodded. "Where's Saotome?"

Mack glared at him from the ground. "What do you want with him?"

"That's for me to find out" said the boy, and took from his backpack a red bamboo-like umbrella and pointed with it at Mack. "Where is he?"

"I think he's in self esteem class." Offered Jodie, worried for Mack.

The Japanese boy looked at the girl for a moment and then nodded. He turned around and started leaving the building.

"Hey, Self Esteem Class is actually in there, you know." Said one of the onlookers.

The boy looked around and noticed that he wasn't doing what he was supposed to be doing. He nodded to himself and entered the halls of Lawndale High.

Jodie glared at the redheaded boy. "You didn't need to do that."

"Mrrrooww, I'm just an innocent bystander that decided to give a hand to someone in need!" assured the boy with a lecherous grin on his face.

* * *

  
Ranma stared at, who he believed to be a woman that feigned being a man, with a long face. "So, are you going to explain it or what?"

The man was sweating like there was no tomorrow, "now, Mr. Saotome, I'm sure you have lots of questions, but we may better discuss them after class, you know, as an extra measure to assure that you get back on your feet!"

Ranma yawned. "So, you want me to get back on my feet?"

"That's what I said!" said the man with a big smile on his face. "Now, as I was saying..."

Ranma didn't pay attention, closed his eyes and decided to take a nap. No one bothered him, and certainly not the poor excuse of a man that was teaching the class. One thing for sure, seeing this man sure boosts anyone's self esteem.

That's when something interrupted his naptime. He heard a tremor and then another one. He opened one eye to see if it was anywhere near, but he was pretty sure that it had been on a whole different wing from the one he was at that moment. "What was that?" He asked no one in particular.

"Oh, boy, I sure hope we're not under attack." Said the teacher, looking more scared for himself than for his students.

"Under attack?" Asked a blonde girl with a military jacket.

"I bet it's just Li selling a classroom so we can have bloodhounds or something." Said a shaggy looking boy with shades.

Ranma yawned and looked up. There was another tremor; this one was closer than the other two. "I heard this before..." He said, lost in thought.

"You did?" Asked the boy with shades.

Ranma nodded a little and then, without any warning, he jumped two feet. There was another tremor and the wall next to the pigtailed boy exploded.

The class could see a shadow of sorts try to hit Ranma but failed, touching only air. There was a cry in Japanese that had the word 'Ranma' in it but they didn't understand a thing other than that.

Ranma looked around and then at the debris in front of him. The dust didn't let him see clearly who was attacking him, but it quickly dispersed, revealing the bandana clad boy.

Ranma took a tiger stance but dropped with a look of surprise. "You!"

The other boy pointed at him with his umbrella. "You haven't changed Ranma." His eyes narrowed. "You're still good at running away."

Mr. O'Neil looked at Ranma with a worried expression. "You know this boy, Mr..." he looked at a sheet of paper and then raised his head. "Say to me?"

Everyone in the Self Esteem Class looked at the pigtailed boy with interest. He had crossed his arms and was deep in thought, as if trying to recall something. He looked at the floor and massaged his head. "Uhm."

"You do know him, right?" Asked someone.

"Oh, yea!" He suddenly exclaimed, excited, and pointed at the other Japanese boy. "Sure! He's... He's..."

The other boy acted like Ranma knew him from a long time ago. "Just tell me one thing, Ranma." He started to say, with a dramatic expression on his face, as if he was a hero of an epic movie about to face his greatest enemy, "Why did you run out on our fight?"

"Wait! I remember!" He said cheerfully, "you were in my class at my old high school..." he pointed at the bandana clad boy and said, "Ryoga Hibiki! Long time no see!"

* * *

  
"Ok, so why are we still IN school?" Asked the artist, smirking at her friend.

Daria had an unreadable look on her face, "I'm going to give that dope the notes so he can get out of that stupid class."

"Oh, really? All I heard was, 'I want to spend more time with my other half', how romantic."

"He needs this if he wants to have the afternoon free. He said he'd pay me if I helped him."

"And why are you just giving him this stuff now? He's been in that class for a week now."

Daria was about to retort but stopped herself as they heard a tremor down the hall. "What was that?"

"Sounded like... a construction site? Or a bomb or something."

Daria shook her head and rushed to the Self Esteem classroom. "That wasn't a bomb... and I bet Ranma is behind it."

Jane quickly followed her, "Oh, he's the evil one now? I thought Tom was behind all the evil schemes here in Lawndale."

"He is, and I'm sure he's behind this one as well, but Ranma is probably involved." Daria found herself running. She hated running.

When they arrived to the hall where the Self Esteem Class takes place, they heard another tremor and saw dust covering the whole place. "What's going on?"

They heard yelling in Japanese and then some talking. Daria frowned and entered the classroom just in time for her to hear Ranma cheerfully say, "Wait! I remember! You were in my class at my old high school..." he pointed at another boy and said, "Ryoga Hibiki! Long time no see!"

Daria looked at the newcomer and frowned. "A friend who doesn't know how to use a door?"

The bandana clad boy turned to the auburn haired girl and snorted, he quickly lost interest. "Saotome, answer my question!"

Ranma blinked a couple of times, his eyes wide. "I waited three days for you!"

"Three days?" Said someone from class, apparently they didn't know if it was a good idea to run or stay and watch.

Ryoga gritted his teeth, "yes!" He exclaimed, "when I came on the forth day you had already run away!"

"Wow, and here I thought you were aggressive, Daria" said Jane in a low voice.

"Later, Lane."

Ranma was annoyed, maybe at Ryoga in general, maybe at the prospect of losing naptime, "Ryoga, you live five blocks from the empty lot where we were going to fight" he narrowed his eyes, "Why did it take you four days to get there?"

Ryoga was shocked and offended, "Why you! Do you think I was out for a casual stroll for four days?!"

"He got lost" summarized Daria in her usual monotone. "We got ourselves a lost-boy."

Ryoga growled at the girl but continued to stare at Ranma, "Breaking a vow between men and running to China and then to the States with your father!" He slashed at Ranma with his umbrella, using it like a sword.

Ranma casually jumped above the attack, his hands in his pockets. He didn't seem worried, at all. "In other words you want to resume our fight."

"Resume our fight? That's feeble!" He raised his umbrella and opened it, "THIS IS REVENGE!" And swung downwards with it. Ranma dodged again, but couldn't help but notice how the edge of the Umbrella cut in half his seat.

"At least he didn't say 'this is Sparta', for god's sake." Muttered Daria.

Ranma took his hands out of his pockets, now he was taking it seriously. "Why don't we take this outside?"

Ryoga tried to hit him again, missing by a good feet. "Why? So you can run away again?" He let go of his umbrella and it flew at Ranma.

Ranma sidestepped, jumped back and took Daria out of the way. He raised the girl above his head when the Umbrella went back like a boomerang and Ryoga caught it with skill.

Ryoga was on the verge of tears, "No matter what it takes, Ranma" he said as he pointed with his weapon one more time, "I shall destroy your happiness!"

Ranma looked up at Daria, who was too busy trying to hide her panties from everyone, "Am I happy?"

Daria was blushing like never before, but managed reply, "No, you took the Misery Chick title from me, you're the Misery Chick, and the Misery Goof!"


End file.
